It's gonna be a long night.

Tonight is a 2 hour long State of the Union address. You know you're gonna be drinking anyway, so why not speed the process up a little by playing along with Dubya. This post is for my own amusement, as I am a loser with no cable and will be forced to watch this or gouge out my eyeballs.

Click here to play the State of the Union Drinking Game.

Doesn't this look like Brad Renfro?

I don't know how he found time to do heroin. Or a spare hand to do it with for that matter.

This happened to me just the other day.

Watch this.

Realizing Every Man's Dream

No female monkey will ever be able to please this one..

Told Ya! Urbman is Procreating!

On Saturday, we told you that Nic was preggers and you probably wanted a little proof. So here! And, No, this has not been photoshopped coz we don't know how to do that shit! The only skills we need are being right.

Original pic from People Online

Can you do this?

Me either.

When You Gotta Go...

I would make some kind of comparison to Parislut Hilton, but the chick above at least has enough brain cells functioning to pull down her pants when urinating in inappropriate places.

You Might Be a Redneck...

Nicole Kidman is Preggers!

Pope-rah has friends in Nashville. They've spotted Nic at a local fave bakery more than once sporting a preg-belly, y'all. This is the fo-real. Trust Pope-rah, children. The official announcement will be soon. Tom is gonna shit! And prolly try to butt in. "You don't know child-birth! I do!"

Nicole Richie's Hero

This breezy has been wearing a corset since 1959. That may have fixed her waist but her face is need of some serious attention.

Check out Ethel for yourself here.

Ummm, yeah.

Is this for the Macy's Chainsaw Murders?

Nice beard.

Somehow we missed the 2005 World Beard and Mustache Championships. I know you're just tore up over it.

More here.
And if that's still not enough go here (and get some help.)

Tales from Craigslist

Craigslist is one of my favorite places to visit. You never know when you'll stumble onto some gem like this.

I'm gonna shoot him in the toodles.

Check out this quick clip of Granny. She scares me and I don't even have toodles.

Redneck Granny

Was This Really The Best Way To Go?

When I first saw Alanis, I thought it was SJP. I don't like Alanis that blonde. I'm not saying I would like her less blonde. Maybe brown. But this is fug.

Still Don't Know Why People Think My Andy's Gay

You know he's only at this fashion show to find that perfect blue shirt to match those baby-blues.

thanks to chaos for the pic

What Not To Wear

Ladies, the British have come to your rescue.

So, these British breezies have invented a vending machine for ladies restrooms that allow you to touch up your frizzies while you are at the club.

What are the odds that a bunch of drunk girls can operate a straightening iron? Half the time they can barely hover over the toilet seat or manage to get their lipstick on straight (unfortunately, I'm speaking from experience). And don't even get me started on the possiblity of spreading cooties on that thing.

Read more about this brilliant invention by clicking here.

Paris is waiting for the diamond encrusted version

This would do me absolutely no good at all because I'd still have to push the damn thing. If someone made a chariot that a rodent sized dog could pull my butt around in I might be interested.

Click here if you feel like looking like an idiot in public.

The Last Request

This is an interesting short flash film that tells the last meal requests for some death row dudes. I don't know about ya'll, but I think I could come up with something better than a bag of Jolly Ranchers.

Watch it here

Blind Cracker

Ted's Awful Truth Blind Vice from 1/6/06:

One Chatty, Snorty Blind Vice

"Ugh. At midnight, your pooch threw up on the designer sofa. Then your man says those crabcakes didn't sit well with him. And you're in the medicine cabinet looking for the damn Alka-Seltzer. All the while, you know the Lincoln Town Car's gonna be waiting for you tomorrow. Oy. And you gotta be camera-ready on top of it! And perky! Really perky!

Yes, the life of a sickeningly popular boob-tube personality is demanding. How does one do it?

With cocaine, you twit. Every dummy knows that, nowadays. It's like any idiot who's halfway rich 'n' famous is back at Studio 54 again--only with less hairspray and jobs to go to in the ayem.

And the above tired-ass, drugged out, fake-smiled act certainly applies to Babe Dimple-Doo. In fact, this scenario fits Ms. D.-Doo so damn well, I'd say it's a miracle some tawdry story about the deceivingly demure dame hasn't surfaced in the tabs already. Gosh, wonder why that is?

Smarty Babe cut a deal, that's why.

Sundry supermarket rags enjoy regular access to BMs. Dimple-Doo's meatloaf recipes, bathroom designs and parlor-room thoughts whenever they so please. But hands off the powder trail! No surprise there. G.P. is all about the très-accessible image, see.

Like I always say, home is where the speeding heartbeat is, right?"

And it ain't: Kathy Lee Gifford, Judge Judy, or Nancy O'Dell

My guess is Kelly Ripa....thoughts?

And as per the Friday replies, it ain't:

Teri Hatcher : "Right figure. Wrong hair and profession, really. But close, so close!" - I think he says "close, so close" because Desperate Housewives is practically a soap and Kelly Ripa is (was?) on All My Children or something like that..
Katie Couric : "the correct sniffer is someone who makes Katie look like she's on tranquilizers." - let's face it, Kelly's a spaz.

Pope-rah loves her coffee.

The Dutch are like Pope-rah. We don't play when it comes to our coffee. And if you're gonna drink it, it might as well be easy on the eyes.

Check out the Latte Art competition.

Where'd he get that hairdid?

Pope-rah calls this a hair-don't. Judge for yourself...

Hair is the hat article

Is this even possible?

I can barely get my dog to sit and these breezies have trained some goldfish to swim in a choreographed routine?

Check it out here.

Check out this player!

This wacko is running for govenor of Minnesota. He is a Satanist and prefers to be refered to as "The Impaler". I'm not sure what's more frightening about this picture. The sword or the vinyl siding.

The Impaler's website

TomKat Sonogram Photo Leak!

The kid looks just like his "mom". She's not even pregnant. You know this shit was beamed down from the mother-ship.

Thanks to

tomcruiseisnuts.com

for the sonogram photoshop and every gossip site on the planet for the other one

Andy Sandberg on Letterman

The World's newest and cutest comedian, Andy Sandberg, was on Letterman last night. That boy is too cute even with those teeth. Don't ever fix 'em, Andy! That 'Lazy Sunday' skit was the funniest shit I witnessed in 2005. This boy's about to Blow Up! Thank god for DVR or my Saturday nights would be ruined from sitting my ass at home!

Letterman clip
Mackin' on Cupcakes

We're here bitches!

After wasting way too much time on celebrity gossip blogs we did the only sensible thing...decided to start our own.