She's returning it tomorrow.

I know it seems like I'm obsessing over this tart today but I just saw this picture and noticed what looks to be the plastic hangy-down-thingy that price tags are on. She should have saved the tag from those granny panties she's wearing as pants. I am so confused by them. It's January and the bitch is wearing tights and panties to a party.

AW

Blink once for yes and 32 times for no.

Wake up , Cheney!

(source)

AW

They never listen...

We've already been through this with Blowhan. Panties are not pants! I just don't get it. Does she think that she's in Fame or something? You might think she's leaving the set from some step aerobics video in 1982 but she's not. She's headed to the Chelsea Hotel for an after party for the Factory Girl premier. Is it a girdle? Did Katie Holmes start a trend by baring her SPANX?

(source)

AW

Our Lady of Gaultier

So the rich and famous just returned from French fashion week in Paris. Get a load of the newest trend:

Uh huh. That's right. Jean Paul Gaultier is responsible for this: Christian couture.

Ask yourself, WWMW? (What would Mary wear?)
Can't you just see our blessed mother wearing a blue silk slip?
Not to be outdone, Donatella Versace has created a men's wear line inspired by her favorite priest.
Father forgive me for I am FABULOUS!

AW

Dang! I Miss Steve Irwin!

Ross "The Intern" mingles with Steve Irwin. Good Stuff.

Morning Funny

From the E! Channel, one of my new fave shows! In my imagination, they have nailed the essence of the Olsen Twins in this one! Enjoy!

Once Upon a Time...Jared Leto Edition

Once upon a time there was a TV show called "My So Called Life" and it was the greatest show ever especially if you were a sensitive co-ed who liked to mope and pout. Actually, the most awesome part of MSCL was a hottie named Jordan Catalano played by Jared Leto. Girls and gay boys everywhere drew his name inside of a heart in their diaries. Pope-rah + Jordan sittin' in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. He was too pretty. You may refer to the picture below in case you don't remember.
MSCL ran it's course and Mr. Catalano got all full of himself and started a rock and roll band with his brother called 30 Seconds to Mars. Don't even click on that link. His band sucks. His band sucks so bad that Frodo told him so then almost got his little hobbit ass kicked. On top of all this, our boy has developed a serious eyeliner habit that has grown out of control. Jared, I don't know where it all went wrong but I wish you'd bring Jordan back to me...I mean us.

Thanks to the always smokin' hot Gaelvis for jogging my memory about this one.

AW

Paris Hilton is a skanky ho!

I'm quite sure you already knew that. You might be asking yourself, "Pope-rah, what could she do that would shock us at this point? We've already seen her naughty bits on the interwebs, her sex tape, her hacked Sidekick e-mails and photos." Well, the dumb bitch failed to pay her storage unit bill of $208 so the storage facility auctioned off her shit.

For $39.97 per month, you can join parisexposed.com and virtually rifle through her disease tainted belongings. Hazmat suit not included.

Page Six must have shelled out the fee because they have listed some of the items from the unit:
* Prescription bottles for Hydrocodone, a painkiller similar to OxyContin used to manage anxiety disorders, post-party sleep aid Ambien and the herpes medication Valtrex.
* A medical bill from a Los Angeles clinic, billing an "Amber Taylor" - with the same birth date as Paris - for a miscarriage in March 2003.
* A journal analyzing her booze-fueled dreams.
* Her reality TV co-star Nicole Richie's University of Arizona ID card.
* Sister Nicky's Nevada marriage certificate.
* Several bank statements, including one with an ending monthly balance of just $9.26.
* Home videos she shot of visits with her sick grandmother.
* To-do lists that include an assortment of errands, including a reminder to buy Christmas gifts.

Hilton tapes rambling messages to friends while filming herself in the mirror, saying she's too busy "smoking pot and eating burgers." The site also has diary entries where she refers to herself as the "hottest person in the world" and pictures of her and her friends doing every illegal drug out there. Check out the picture below:
This came from a home movie she made where supposedly there was a kilo of blow that all these celebutards were doing on this jerk-off's chest. And there is video of her doing a strip tease for Joe Francis. Gee, I bet that was a real acting stretch for her. I hate this heifer. I wish they'd lock her up for the sake of all mankind. Her woo-woo is a hot zone that could wipe out our entire species.

AW

Baba Wawa

Barbara Walters at Katie Couric's 50th birthday party in New York (Jan. 13, 2007).

It looks like Babs got a little work done on her eyes recently. I used to be a big fan but after seeing her wishy-washy response to the whole Donald vs Rosie fiasco I've lost that lovin' feeling. She's hot for an old lady though. What is she now, like 85 or something?

AW

Can we send her to fashion rehab too?

Is that a pair of PANTIES on top of her leggings? As CD says, "Leggings are NOT pants." I'm glad Blohan has taken that statement to heart but I think she's missed the point.

Panties are not pants either, Linds.

AW

I ain't sayin' he needs seat fillers...

The massive ego that is Jamie Foxx failed to sell out Madison Square Gardens this week. He's on tour with American Idol winner, Fantasia. You know he's still singing that damn "Golddigger"/Ray Charles sounding part that he's been milking dry for almost 2 years now. After the looks of this show, it think he's gonna be the one that's "broke-broke". Okay, that's the last Kanye West pun, I promise.

(source)
AW

Once Upon a Time...Nicholas Cage Edition

You know, Nick Cage was never a stud muffin or anything, although I have seen "Valley Girl" like, a million times and like, totally wanted to go steady with him in high school. But he was still handsome in an unconventional way. The roles he took were edgy, heartfelt even daring. All in all he was like the boy next door. Cute, often over looked but very smart and that made him sexy. What the hell happened!?!

Nick is doing his best Elvis meets Marilyn Manson meets Billy Bob Thorton here. Here's a little tip for you, Nick: If you are losing your hair, do it gracefully. Let it go, shave it, whatever. But dyeing it jet black when it's already halfway to the back of your skull is never a good idea. Also, please lose the black leather pants. They are creepy. Thank you.

AW

Would you call that meatlifting?

According to a new Slate article, meat is the most shoplifted item in America. Who's stealing it? Middle aged women. Could this explain why large handbags are all the rage again? Click here to read the article.

AW

I don't want no Pugs...

Here at Pope-rah Says, we have many guilty pleasures. This clip involves two that we rarely talk about: The Montel Show and talking dogs.

Seeing as how Britney is keeping her lady parts covered today and there have been no celebrity breakups or arrests we're having a hard time finding things to snark on. Our bad. Instead, we bring you some Pug love!

AW

Steering towards a new sterotype.

Based on a new study by Insurance Hotline, Libras and Aquarians are the worst astrological signs to share the road with. They have more tickets and accidents than any other sign. They also had bad things to say about Aries:

"I'd rather get into a car with a 24-year-old Leo than a 25-year-old Aries," Romanov said.
Leos, described along with the study results, are "generous, and comfortable in sharing the roadway." Aries, on the other hand, "have a 'me first' childlike nature that drives Aries into trouble."

And on that note, I'm very happy to say that I am a Leo and CD happens to be a Gemini. Coincidence? I think not.

Go here to read the article on MSN.com

AW

TEAM K-FED

I am officially annoucing that I am now on Team K-Fed (unless he does something incredibly stupid because that's just how I roll)

KFed was a backup dancer living in LA when Britney met him. He was semi-successful at it, having performed on tours with Christina Milian, *NSYNC, Justin Timberlake, P!nk, Michael Jackson, Destiny's Child, LFO and Britney Spears' opening act. Yes he had a girlfriend and yes they have one kid and she was preggo with their second and he leaves her for Britney Spears - dispicable and I'm not defending it. But, c'mon, it's Britney Spears! Before anybody knew her true colors. This is when she still had good management, stylists, and publicists. I'm sorry but most people are apt to get celebrity-stricken. Plus she was chasing after him - remember? Can any of us honestly say what we would have done in his situation?

Britney has proven herself to be a dirty-trashy-skank-ho time after time after time. Kevin deserves every freaking penny he can get out of her. She's the one who eagerly drug him into her spotlight and flaunted him around like a new purse.

Kevin can come of out of this on top if he does the following:

1. Never. Rap. Again. Forget it about it. Right it off to a phase of life.

2. Clean up his act and totally throw out the wigga, "thug-life" style. Go for a Justin-meets-Becks kinda style.

3. Limit your exposure, as I like to say. Take some acting lessons or some voice lessons and get good at something out of the lime light. Build up some credibility at something.

4. Be a phenomenal Dad.

That's just my opinion and not AW's so all you Britney fans/KFed haters don't hate on her.

oncur with CD. Show us what you got, K-Fed.

Justin who?

'Atta girl...

CD - AMEN!! Love Cammie - and I hope Justin is seething!

AW

Everything comes down to poo.

Well, it finally happened. Scrubs jumped the shark.

AW

Somebody got into mommy's makeup!

The Simpson sisters and their highly flammable hair extentions went out on the town this week. They need to give Christina Aguilera her lipstick back and fire Ken Paves for having the nerve to tell these two that their "hair" looks good.....granted, they are dumber than a box of rocks so they probably believe anything anyone tells them, like they're talented.

AW

Diana Ross: fashion plate

This is what Diana Ross was wearing when she arrived a the Late Show with David Letterman last night. I think she and Tanya Tucker are on a crusade to bring back the fanny pack.

AW

Britney Schiavo?

Too soon for that joke? Probs. I'm sorry but it's the first thing that popped into my mind when I saw this photo of her stuffing her face at some burger joint in LA.

(photo source)
AW

Michael Vick is a stoner

Atlanta Falcons quaterback, Michael Vick tried to sneak some weed onto an airplane in Atlanta Wednesday morning. Apparently he had some sort of water bottle with a secret compartment. How James Bond of him. Well, I guess not too James Bond if he got caught...

UPDATE: This is the type of water bottle Vick used to bring his sticky icky on the plane.

AW

Afternoon Delight

Jon Stewart + Stephen Colbert Forever

CD

Speech 101

Warren Beatty's lifetime acheivement award acceptance went a little like this. "Yeah, so umm, I'm old. Umm, I'm like really old. There's Jack Nicholson, he's still working hard. I'm old. Um, um, um." He rambled on and on and on. Seriously, I thought I would go into menopause before he ended that awkward speech it went on for so long.

AW

It's Because "I'm A Dancer"

Paula Abdul continues her binge-drinking, pill-popping press tour, riding the crazy train with Ross McGowan (no relation to Rose) of KTVU in Somewhere, USA. Even he totally LOLs at her ass at the end. Anybody who can with a straight-face deny that this hooker isn't on something should've gotten a Golden Globe.

Pam + Jim Forever

Jenna Fischer and John Krasinski want each other on the Red Carpet at the Golden Globes, January 15, 2007

I am a huge fan of The Office and live for Pam and Jim to get together and bump nasties and live happily ever after. Jenna Fischer is married in real life but a girl can dream can't she? John Krasinski is the cuteness.

CD

What's Ellen Pompeo hiding back there?

Possible answers:
- a diaper
- a tail
- her lunch (who am I kidding, she doesn't eat)
- McDreamy

AW

Jennifer Blah Hewitt

AW - Now I know why her dog is on Prozac.
CD - .....................[dozes off]

You sexy bitch.

AW - I'd say the break up with Fabrizio is agreeing with her.
CD - She's thanking her lucky stars she doesn't have to deal with him being there like her BFF Cam does with Justin.

Does she think she's in Dreamgirls?

AW - I think Vanessa Williams thinks she Beyonce. And she's pretty ballsy showing up to an awards show in a fur. PETA will own her ass by sunrise.

CD - Great hair piece. It looks totally natural.

Poofylicious

CD - You too can have a dress this fine. Just head down to your local Bed Bath and Beyond! Get yourself some string and a needle and thread and Voila! Perfect from the Shower to the Red Carpet. And your calves and ankles wll stay exfoliated all night.

AW - It looks like it would tickle. And if it looks like something Ms Jay from ANTM might wear then you probably shouldn't wear it.

Angelina Needs To Start Thinkin' Arby's

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie arrive at the Golden Globes, January 15, 2007

D - Angelina needs to get some Roast Beef and Curly Fries ASAP! She is looking pretty frail at the Golden Globes. I don't know how she has energy to do anything being in this shape. These pictures don't actually do it justice she looked really thin in the video.

W - Is he holding her up? Maybe she'll eat a grape or something at the after party. Oh who am I kidding, half a grape. And Brad is looking waxy these days. She's sucking the hotness out of him.

Is He Looking at Me?

D - Cameron and Justin arrived on the red carpet late and pretty close together time-wise. I feel her pain. She's working it though. Her lips are too red and I hate that strap.
W - Yeah, you know that has to suck. I gotta give her props for showing up though. I think I might have just called in sick. But I'm a lazy bitch that way.

Poser

Zack Braff arrives at the Golden Globe Awards, January 15, 2007

D - Do you think he practiced this pose in his mirror at home all week?

W - He's such a pussy. I'm hatin' him these days. He needs to go be gay or something.

B.J. Novak of The Office arrives at the Golden Globe Awards, January 15, 2007

D - I'm almost 100% certain the he posed in front of the mirror all week. That shit is suave!!

W - Bless his heart.

Worst. Extenstions. Ever.

I know there are a lot of people who take up for Britney on comments pages, but I just don't get it. Girl looks dreadful in every picture taken of her. Seriously, you know she got these hair extenstions from the kiosk at the mall.

Ann Heche Attends ABC Party In Spirit Only

Ann Heche attends the Disney/ABC Television Group All Star Party on January 14, 2007

I swear this is Ann Heche's ghost appearing on the red carpet. If you look hard enough you can see right through her.

What Not to Wear - Aztec Edition

Rachel Hunter at HBO’s Annual Pre-Golden Globe Reception, January 13, 2007

Let's see - Black Jersey Mini-Dress with static-cling, lacey tights, cowboy boots, aztec-print rabbit-hair vest, purse from Claire's, and rat's-nest hair. Let me guess, the airline lost her luggage and she spent the night at Britney's?

CD

Did Jeanne Tripplehorn Switch Teams?

Somebody I believe to be Jeanne Tripplehorn and Gennifer Goodwin at HBO’s Annual Pre-Golden Globe Reception, January 13, 2007

Is this Jeanne Tripplehorn? From Basic Instinct and Big Love? Wow! That's a pretty masculine look. Isn't it style-protocol for women to accenuate the lips or eyes with a suit? She's supposedly "married" though. Like that means anything in Hollywood. Gennifer Goodwin, though probably not into women yet, may be soon since she's dating that chauvanistic Chris Klein, who will probably turn her off men for a while.

One in a million.

While there may be many pretenders to the throne, Spears is in a class of her own when it comes to young celebrity train wrecks. Shocker, right? I think she just doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks about her which is usually an attribute I admire in a person. I said usually. In this case I'm repulsed and a little bored.

AW

Ashley Olsen has OCD

Again, I apologize for the lameness of this post. Slow news day. Apparently little miss Ashley Olsen thinks she has OCD because she washes her face 4 times a day. I say we put her on JLH's dog's Prozac and be done with it. And for the record, I think someone ought to clue her in as to what OCD really is.

AW

Jennifer Love Hewitt = BORING.

You know it's a slow news day when I'm writing about JLH's dog being on Prozac. So he licks at the air? If that's the criteria for being crazy then I passed crazy about 5 miles back.

AW

Say cheese!

Doesn't this ho have dental insurance? I think if I were her I'd worry less about spray on tans and designer dresses and more about fixin' her grill. Seriously, the girl has TWO Bentleys but can't buy a crown?

AW

John Waters Hearts K-Fed

I mean, what's not to love?

KEVIN Federline still has at least one fan: director John Waters. "You don't see him out there getting out of limousines and flashing his shaved crotch," the director of "Hairspray" told a Canadian reporter. "He's been the gentleman since they split up." Waters, who even bought Federline's CD, said, "I'm a big fan of K-Fed . . . What did he do that was so wrong? She [Britney Spears] is the idiot. She's the one who gave him the Ferrari. Who gives a Ferrari to rough trade? . . . And he looks good whether he's all cleaned up or long-haired and sleazy."

No really, I think K-Fed is doing much better than Britney these days with public image being that she is a complete piece of trash not to mention a skank-ho. But let's don't forget that he's still a tool:

CD

Burkha Beach Blanket Bingo!

Dynamic Swimwear and Sportswear forToday's Muslim Female

Yes, that is what Ahiida Products sells. I swear to Allah that I didn't make that slogan up. It came right off of their website. They sell swimsuits that are a little more modest than we're used to seeing. Check out the breezy in the picture below. She's all, "Damn, I look good." I'm all, "How can we get Brit-Brit to wear one of these?"
AW

Your roots, your roots, your roots are on fire!

Madonna, you should be ashamed of yourself! You go on a national late night show looking like that? She looks like she hasn't had her roots done in months. What possible excuse could she have for this? Come on, I even manage to keeps up with my touch-ups and I don't have a team of primpers working on my ass.

Thanks to the super sexy Gaelvis for the tip!

AW

What is this bitch on?

Paula Abdul is jacked up on something in this video. She is loooooooooopy!

AW

Lickety-split! Brit-Brit got herself some new hair.

Yes, Britney's new hair-did is the highlight of my day so far but what I really want to know is, is she wearing the same mini skirt that she did below in the infamous Matt Lauer bubble-gum-snapping interview?
Oh snap!

AW